Mostly, eratic.

Total see-saw of a day, today. 24 hour manic depression.
It could have something to do with the fact that i should be suffering extreme PMT right now, but i'm not. I'm starting to think that i do this on purpose - placing obstacles in front of me so i can trip, fall down and play the victim.
I guess i'll jump that hurdle when i get to it. I hope it's all a mistake, and that it's not the hurdle race i'm entered for. Maybe the long jump. Or a walkable marathon?

- - - - -

Travelled in to Harlesden town centre this afternoon and managed to get myself lost on a number of occassions, which is weird due to the fact that it only consists of one road, the high street. I had to go because i am in desperate need of a career of some sorts so (and i'm not sure why) i decided to go to the JobCentre.
My, my, the advice they had for me was astounding!

"Erm, um... So, you're NOT on benefits? Hm, well, the only thing i can suggest is you go to those phones and press the number '5'. You can talk to someone, but we can't promise anything..."

Okay, great. In fact, fabulous. Well, this lady on the end of the line did a 'job search'. She found only one job and that was £6 p/hour. Is that good money? Have i moved all the way to London to earn peanuts that just barely covers my rent/bills/food? So, i'll be working 40hr weeks just to be able to sleep in a bed, have a light on and eat 'til i get obese and unattractive? Well, that's just fantastic(!)

- - - - -

I am feeling extremely lonely now. And out of place.
So, i've moved in to this lovely flat with my old housemate and his boyfriend. Sounds cosy, right? Yeah, for two! Three is a definite crowd in this home! They don't talk to me, they don't ask me anything and if i put something in the lounge they move it out as if i'm taking up their personal space. It's really getting me down because i have just realised that i am helping a loving couple pay their rent for a love-nest.
Utterly.
Ridiculous.
Why can't my Prince Charming come rescue me, let me live in his castle and tell me that i will never have to get a job?!

- - - - -

This Friday i have to register with the doctors. I'm nervous as i find the doctors one of the most scary places ever!
But i do feel positive about it, knowing that this is a whole new place and that they don't know my family etc. Oh, and also, it's literally next door!
It'll be good to talk about my OCD and Dermatillomania in length and, hopefully, find some treatments, if not cures!

- - - - -

Keep missing deliveries - bad!
i really hope i'm not pregnant. :(

X